Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
