so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
