Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
