Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
