btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
