Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
