Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
