I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
