Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
