I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my shit smells like andre
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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