It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
