I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
