I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
