when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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