the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
