Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
