I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
