It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
