I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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