umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
