he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
