People in love make me want to vomit
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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