Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
