my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
