i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
