i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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