I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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