I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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