u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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