You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
