i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
