just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
