We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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