Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
