i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
