So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
