mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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