M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
