If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we should paint friendship bongs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
