Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
