"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
