Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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