i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
