i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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