i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
