his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
