I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
