i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
