you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
