Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
